June 12, 2026

I realized I haven’t updated in a while! As usual, things change pretty quickly around here. I took Oliver to UNC on Tuesday for labs and a bone marrow biopsy. After getting labs, we realized his ANC (Absolute Neutrophil Count) was 0. It wasn’t necessarily surprising since he has been on a chemo regimen designed to drop all his counts, but it did mean he was/is neutropenic and at a high risk of developing an infection as his body has no ability to fight off infections. Our oncologist wanted to push back the biopsy until today to see if his counts would recover, and unfortunately they haven’t. His ANC is still zero so we will try labs again on Tuesday the 16th and then if they have recovered to 500 or more, we will do the procedure. We were supposed to start the primer chemo this Monday, so that will be delayed until June 22nd because our oncologist said we cannot begin the more intense chemo until his body has at least partially recovered.

I’m not sure whether to feel relieved or nervous about this delay. Every day we have at home with him we consider a blessing, but we (and our team) also worry that the disease could come back during this time, and it can take over so quickly. There is not much we can do but take it day by day… something that I have been forced to learn throughout this journey. If you know me well, you know that I am almost always planning for the future in one way or another. I have been known to start talking about planning our next trip while still on a trip I planned. There are definitely positives to being a planner, but it often makes me think of what is next and doesn’t always allow me to be present in the moment. As much as I hate it, I am grateful I get to live as we all are meant to live— day by day. None of us are promised tomorrow, but we often live years in the future as if it is guaranteed. I know none of us truly have control, but this journey has made that undeniably real to me. The only things I can control are my behavior, my gratitude, finding joy where I can, grieving when I must. It’s a beautiful and terrible position to be in. It makes me notice the leaves rustling in the breeze, the color of the flowers, the clouds at they float through the sky— to truly stop and see the beauty that surrounds us. Of course there is pain and suffering, injustice, and situations we should find unacceptable. But I would encourage you to seek beauty today. Find three things you can be grateful for and when life gets overwhelming and discouraging, focus on those things. Repeat as needed. I find it to be a very grounding exercise and one that brings me back to today, where I am home with husband and my three beautiful children.